To see the sky cleared from the crimson shade of fear is what everyone wanted . . . yet no one dare to do something to see it become reality. . .

    Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Xion Blueraven
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    Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by Xion Blueraven on Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:56 am

    Title: Philippine Rabbit

    Egyptian: The Egyptian Camel can carry 5 persons at a time!

    Indian: That is nothing! The Indian Elephan can carry 10 people at a time!

    Filipino: All of those were nothing! The Philippine Rabbit can carry 75 people minimum and maximum of 100, and always overspeeding on highways!

    Note: Philippine Rabbit is one of bus liners in the Philippines.. ^_^


    †Xion Blueraven†
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    Re: Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by joyo on Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:34 pm

    I got a good laugh out of these. Let's hope it cheers you guys up!Very Happy

    BOY: May I hold your hand?
    GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

    GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
    BOY: You love me...

    GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
    BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??

    GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
    BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple!

    GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
    BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??

    BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
    GIRL: How soon??

    BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
    GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

    SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
    TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

    WOMAN: You remind me of the sea.
    MAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
    WOMAN: No, because you make me sick.

    WIFE: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
    HUSBAND: You tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

    MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
    PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

    Girlfriend: "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
    Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday."

    Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
    Pupil: "The moon."
    Teacher: "Why?"
    Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it."

    Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
    Pupil: "A teacher?"

    Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
    Customer: "What other colors do you have?"

    Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot!"
    Sam: "It's a family tradition."
    Teacher: "What do you mean?"
    Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker and my father is a teacher."
    Teacher: "What about your mother?"
    Sam: "She's a woman."

    Tom: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
    David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated."

    Teacher: "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
    Sam: "No sir, I don't have to. My mom is a good cook".

    Patient: "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
    Doctor: "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

    Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
    Pupil: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day and at the same time."

    Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
    Pupil:"Because George still had the axe in his hand."

    And... to finish this off. hehehe

    A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress, "I want a cup of coffee without cream." The waitress writes down his order, and goes off to the kitchen.

    A few minutes later she comes back looking very apologetic. "I'm sorry," she says, "but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"


    "If I find in myself a desire
    which no experience in this world can satisfy,
    the most probable explanation i
    s that I was made for another world."
    Xion Blueraven
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    Re: Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by Xion Blueraven on Fri Dec 07, 2007 2:47 pm


    A Filipino is having his American breakfast of toasted bread, butter and jam, when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Filipino ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

    American: "You Filipinos ate the whole bread?"

    Filipino: (in a bad mood) "Of course."

    American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Philippines." The American has a smirk on his face. The Filipino listens in silence.

    The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread?"

    Filipino: "Of course."

    American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) "We don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruits for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in a container, recycle it, transform them into jam and sell them to the Philippines."

    The Filipino then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

    American: "Why of course we do.", the American says with a big smirk.

    Filipino: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

    American: "We throw them away, of course."

    Filipino: "We don't. In Manila, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."

    The American's chewing gum falls to the floor without his knowing. ^_^


    †Xion Blueraven†
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    Re: Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by chad on Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:55 am

    Deep ThoughtsLaughing

    If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em
    go, because, man, they're gone.

    I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without
    hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd
    never expect it.

    To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something
    when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you
    give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

    If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I
    bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make
    it shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots."

    I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our
    children's children, because I don't think children should be
    having sex.

    If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
    mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

    To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
    choreography and the dancers hit each other.

    Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call
    them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so
    what, can't we all be brothers?

    Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some
    sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

    I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed
    out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years,
    because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

    I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate
    revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up
    to him real quick and hand it to him.

    If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else
    flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye

    It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And
    I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting
    there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

    Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks
    out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess
    that's like a regular window.

    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,
    like I am now.

    When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was
    call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it
    up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had
    deer horns.

    I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and
    whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a
    larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one,
    except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint,
    because he had whittled off the paint.

    If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I
    bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy
    was reading a magazine.

    If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I
    think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the
    vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're
    thinking about adopting the vulture.

    Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they
    believe me?

    If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and
    while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and
    then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't
    know what to tell you.

    One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't
    run with a wooden stake.

    For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not
    add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

    Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are
    losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and
    nobody got scared.

    I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because
    then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.

    If by some occurrence you find yourself falling off the CN Tower,
    just let yourself go limp. If some people see you falling, they
    may try to catch you thinking, "hey, free dummy!"

    Why is the dove the symbol for peace. Why not the pillow? It
    has more feathers and it doesn't have that dangerous beak!

    If some guy asked me the meaning of Love, I'd pin his arm up
    behind his back and say..."Now look who's asking the questions!"

    The funny thing about a person driving off a cliff is that they
    probably have their foot on the brake. Hey, why not try the
    emergency brake?

    An 8-year-old and his 6-year-old brother are upstairs in their
    bedroom. The 8-year-old is explaining that it is high time that
    the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds
    enthusiastically, the 8-year old says, "When we go downstairs for
    breakfast this morning, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'." The
    6-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves
    at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks the older
    boy what he would like to eat. The 8-year-old replies, "Aw hell,
    Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios." The surprised mother reacts
    quickly. WHACK! The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his
    behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks
    the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"
    "I don't know," the 6-year-old blubbers and quietly says, "But
    you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios! Very Happy

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    Re: Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by joyo on Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:19 am

    Clever Advertising... lol!


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    Re: Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by joyo on Wed Dec 12, 2007 12:03 pm

    Who is clever? Teacher or student?

    One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night

    And Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

    In the morning they thought of a plan.

    They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt.

    They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night

    and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car!

    all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

    So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days.

    They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

    On the third day they appeared before the Dean.

    The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test,

    All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test.

    They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

    The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

    Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS )

    Q.2. Which tire burst ?........... ....( 98 MARKS )

    a) Front Left
    b) Front Right
    c) Back Left
    d) Back Right .....!!!

    Last edited by on Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

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    Re: Share your Jokes here.. It's fun! ^_^

    Post by joyo on Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:59 pm

    40 Things That Happen Only In Movies

    1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

    2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

    3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

    4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

    5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

    6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

    7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

    8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

    9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

    10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

    11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

    12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

    13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

    14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…

    15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

    16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

    17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

    18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

    19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

    20. All single women have a cat.

    21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

    22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

    23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

    24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

    25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

    27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

    28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.

    29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone's Law).

    30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

    31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

    32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

    33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

    34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

    37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

    38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

    39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

    40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!). Very Happy

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